Sorry I haven't updated in ages. Life goes fast. I feel like im getting better every time I go out to take pictures. Ive decided that I want that to be the main focus of the next years of my life. Im excited. It will be different. But exciting =]

My cat died today. I took him of the streets. I kept him. He slept in a warm dry place away from the cold outside. He was getting fatter. And the vet said the blood tests where negative for renal failure etc. The ultra sound said he was fine. Everything was ok. He was just dehydrated because he was living on the streets. And declawed so he couldn't catch anything to eat. We where so excited to watch him gain weight. He came to us 5 pounds 2 ounces. A very skinny unhealthy and older cat. And today when my friend came to visit she said there must be something wrong with your cat. He looks like hes dead. And he was sleeping. I brought him out and he was just tired but moving and ok and meowing. And then he wouldn't drink...or eat... and he was peeing in his bed. And I held him in a towel as he convulsed and cried and faded. Until he looked at me, and stopped breathing. And now hes gone. And I can't stop thinking about him. My first cat. He was supposed to get better. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. =[ Im so confused. What did I do wrong. Why did it happen like this. All these things where rushing through my mind. Despite being the girl I am. With the education and maturity I have. There was this little girl inside of my wishing he would get up and meow at me. Or look up at me and be ok. Maybe hes just sleeping. Maybe ill do something and he'll come back. But I know he won't. Hes lying there. Eyes dull and sunken. Rigid. Lifeless. Cold. And yet I take some comfort in knowing that he died here. In my arms. AS I pet him and whispered to him how much I loved him. That it was going to be ok. And that he didn't die alone, lost, on the street, with no home, and no family, and no one to hold him. I loved him. I miss him. It breaks my heart to know hes gone. To sit and see his collar. no longer around his neck.

Im tired.

Everyone is sick

My mother is sick.

My father is sick.

My sister is sick.

My other sister is sick.

I am sick.

xD I love this song

Anywho I know Ive been.....Not active....Lately...A lot..>.<

But it's going to get better.

Everything will.

Next week is B's birthday.

Much celebration is in order

18 >=3

Someone pleeeassee guess

bwahahahha

Ok....=]

Ill let you think.

In other news

Not heard from mr. stalker man

which is good.

I have a cat <3

I love him very much.

My room is amazing.

Our piano is tuned and singing with it is amazing as usual

Im just.....feeling better

<3

Life is good.

You give it.
You get it.
And sometimes,
It's broken.
And sometimes,
It's shattered.

"you need to trust me with this ok"
I trusted you.


Ughhhhhh. Sorry for the emo shit. Im really having a hard time. When your best friend does something she says she wont. And that thing just so happens to be dating your sisters ex boyfriend......Shit goes down. So much crap is happening. Im not even trying anymore. If Britt wants to be my friend still there is going to be a loooooottttttt of explaining and talking in order.....I hate stupid teenage drama....

In other news
I have a cat.
Family finally settled on calling him Jasper.
Which is funny cause that's the name of one of my characters but w.e
My mom would not let him be called Ryker....
LAAAAMME
xD
But He is putting on weight.
He is now up to 6.5 pounds.
He has energy hes meowing when I leave him *not that great xD*
and hes just all around awesome
<3 my kitty